What I want to do???

Well here I am, middle of the afternoon and still not working. I want to get back to work...but I don't know what to do. I need something flexible so I can deal with Terry when he is not at his best. But my unemployment is going to be running out soon and I have applied for jobs every week, to not really hear anything back.

It is frustating...I want to be a housewife, take care of my family etc, but in todays economy it does not allow for it. Lately again I am finding it hard to get motivated to work on getting our ebusiness running. It just seems like I spend all day in front of this damn computer to get nowhere. I go through supplier after supplier, but selling on eBay has not been that easy and well so many don't want you selling on eBay and then trying to set up our website, I really thought I could set up our own and I have learned some basic html coding, but setting up a web story is not that easy.

I want to get a webstore, it will cost some money and that is where we are at right now. Trying to figure out where and what to do for a webstore where all I have to do is put the images, prices and descriptions on and then use the tools to design it. I just need to get motivated to get it going again...right now it is hard to...Terry wants to get it up and running, but he does not have time to work on it, between his health and him working as much as he can right now he barely has time to spend with me and have his down time.

I keeping wondering what is going to happen when we have children and if I am pregnant right now, 9 months down the road...I don't want to go into another job just to leave again in less then a year, that is one of my big fears. Also wanting to then be a SAHM at least for the first year.

There is so much that I want, so much to do, but why oh why can't I get with it. I know if I really want to do it I need to set my mind too it, but it just does not seem to work. Oh I don't know anymore. Everyday is a new day with me and who knows what will happen tomorrow. I am not lazy, just unmotivated right now. Someone find my motivation. What do I want to do?

Other then that things here are going good, Terry is almost done with his antibiotics, so in the next few weeks he should be going in to get set up back for home dialysis. That at least will help some, then he won't be having to work until 7 every night since he will be back to full time. A few nights a week I can handle, but everynight is so hard.

Well on a bright note I did have a interview with Home Depot today, the store not their call center or anything, but to get back to face to face customer service, plus something that I don't need to think to much on. Just help people out, not worry about the pressures of a call center. That I know i can't do...call center work.

Well that is it for now...Terry and I are still praying I am pregnant...will be able to take a pg test next week friday to find out, unless my unwanted monthly friend starts...okay well that is it...hope all out there are doing good!

Hugs & Kisses,
Cortney

280 days to go??? Very possible!!!

Well today Terry and I did our first IUI!!! So hopefully in 280 days we will have a little bundle of our own! And I am hoping TWINS!!! We had two follicles so there is a chance for it.

Terry's appointment for the IUI was at 11:15 today, mine 12:45. For awhile there I did not think it was going to happen. We sat in the lobby forever, finally around 1:30 the nurse called me up to the desk, she told me they were having to put Terry's sperm through a swim test...I am just thinking what??? but okay so it will be about another hour, so we left to get lunch.

Got back and around 3 got called back. I asked why it took so long, well Terry's sperm had bacteria in it...LOL go figure! He has bacteria everywhere in his body with this damn infection. So that just goes to tell me he still has this bacteria in his body and is not ready to go back on home dialysis yet. But that is for another post on my fears with that still.

So I was injected and told would have some cramping and possible spotting, but for now on to treat it as I am pregnant! WOOO HOOO I love hearing that, but will be even more happy in about 2 weeks when I can officially test for it as long as good ole Aunt Flo does not show up!

So here it is...the start of hopefully something wonderful to happen with my body, to bring a life into this world, a child or hopefully children that we so desperately want. I pray that God blesses us with conceiveing as I know we would be wonderful parents as we already are with Zachery.

Well I was up all night so excited and nervous about today that I am off to bed now! I will post more later about everything I am feeling...I just wanted to get my first day of possible being pregnant posted. My little zygote(s) I am hoping is(are) transforming in my body right now.

Hugs and Kisses to all that read my blog! May all your dreams come true and please say a little prayer that ours do too!

MUAH
Cortney

Happy Valentines Day!

Well here it is...the day of LOVE!

And I am so happy I have the love of my life. Sure things are not always peaches n cream...but turly how many relationships out there are? One thing I know we do well is communicate. We argue, but we always talk it out. But that is not what today is about!

Today is about LOVE - and loving the one you are with - I could not be happier to have my husband by my side, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health. And trust me I know about SICKNESS!!!

Terry is almost done with his antibiotics! YEAH!!!!! This is a good thing because that means, with all hope and prayers, he should be able to go back on home dialysis until he gets a transplant! His doctor wants to get him switched back to pd(home dialysis) right away. But I am scared of going through everything we went through last year again if we don't make sure the infection is gone. So he goes to see the infectious disease doctor hopefully soon. For those of you that don't know he is not infectious, just picked up this rare bacteria infection in his blood that got in there from taking a shower too soon after he had his first pd catherter put in.

But timing is of most importance right now, because our 2 year anniversary is coming up, I can't believe we have been married 2 years already!!! wow! So we are going to VEGAS, yeah baby! His cousin lives out there...she has been trying to get us out there...well for over 3 years now...lol, so Terry asked for her help to get us out there, she had some airline miles to use and well we are going out and staying with them...so that is a huge savings! :) Thank you DEB!!!

But with Terry going back in the hospital and all of this...well it is going to be tight. How fitting we are going through all of this at the same time last year when it all started. Our newlywed year...wow we have just come so far. We still have not even been on a honeymoon yet...lol I guess Vegas is going to be it! No I am not complaining...but just wish we had the means to travel more and do more.

But today is the day of love...I am in love and so happy to be with my husband.

Here is to wishing all of you out there a Happy Valentines Day, if you don't have anyone to share it with, I am sure the time will come. And for those of you that do, cherish the one you are with today...just a little bit more!

Love & Kiss -
Cortney

PS - if you click the heart below, it will take you to the webpage I did to honor my love!

Rain, Gloom, & Fertility

Well today we start fertility treatment. :(

For those that do not know...and I know there are a lot, Terry & I have been trying to conceive. With Terry in Kidney failure we want to start our family now. Between his health and my lack of ovulations, we have not had an easy time. So we have been seeing a fertility specialist for about a year. Today I had my baseline sonograham done and today start a fertility drug called clomid. Don't worry it won't make me have triplets or more, there is a increase chance of having twins but that is it.

This past month I really thought I was pregnant with out having to go through the specialist, but was not. It is so disappointing when you think you are and just bringing a life into this world and then the huge let down when you are not...I know everyone says you are young, it will happen with time. I am going to be 32 this year, I don't feel any younger and with Terry's health...two years down the road he will be going for a transplant etc...and well my feeling is if we don't start now we will never have kids together.

Yes there is Terry's son Zachery, who I love as my own, but that still does not change us wanting a family together, children we raise as full time parents, not just every other weekend.

I know I sound bitter and venting, but it helps to get it out. Terry and I have each other and if it comes down too it that is all we need. We don't have the funds to adopt nor go any further with fertility treatment then what we are. So if this does not work then it is in God's hands!

Okay well I just had to get that out of me, it is always better to get it out then keep it in.

Now that my head hurts...I need to lay down for a bit...

Finally we have a BLOG!

Finally we are evolving...and getting out onto the web...everyone has the myspace page, but since we already have our own website I did not feel like creating a myspace page when I can do everything on our site - and do the blogging here! But I have to work on our website and get it up and running...but there are so many other things going on!



After hearing Barack Obama's nomination speech yesterday and then re-reading it on his site...I got motivated...motivated to get involved and start to work to get him in office! So please it is never to early to start getting motivated to get ready for a change!



So that is it for this first post...time to get ready for bed and do some work on our home page!