What I want to do???

Well here I am, middle of the afternoon and still not working. I want to get back to work...but I don't know what to do. I need something flexible so I can deal with Terry when he is not at his best. But my unemployment is going to be running out soon and I have applied for jobs every week, to not really hear anything back.

It is frustating...I want to be a housewife, take care of my family etc, but in todays economy it does not allow for it. Lately again I am finding it hard to get motivated to work on getting our ebusiness running. It just seems like I spend all day in front of this damn computer to get nowhere. I go through supplier after supplier, but selling on eBay has not been that easy and well so many don't want you selling on eBay and then trying to set up our website, I really thought I could set up our own and I have learned some basic html coding, but setting up a web story is not that easy.

I want to get a webstore, it will cost some money and that is where we are at right now. Trying to figure out where and what to do for a webstore where all I have to do is put the images, prices and descriptions on and then use the tools to design it. I just need to get motivated to get it going again...right now it is hard to...Terry wants to get it up and running, but he does not have time to work on it, between his health and him working as much as he can right now he barely has time to spend with me and have his down time.

I keeping wondering what is going to happen when we have children and if I am pregnant right now, 9 months down the road...I don't want to go into another job just to leave again in less then a year, that is one of my big fears. Also wanting to then be a SAHM at least for the first year.

There is so much that I want, so much to do, but why oh why can't I get with it. I know if I really want to do it I need to set my mind too it, but it just does not seem to work. Oh I don't know anymore. Everyday is a new day with me and who knows what will happen tomorrow. I am not lazy, just unmotivated right now. Someone find my motivation. What do I want to do?

Other then that things here are going good, Terry is almost done with his antibiotics, so in the next few weeks he should be going in to get set up back for home dialysis. That at least will help some, then he won't be having to work until 7 every night since he will be back to full time. A few nights a week I can handle, but everynight is so hard.

Well on a bright note I did have a interview with Home Depot today, the store not their call center or anything, but to get back to face to face customer service, plus something that I don't need to think to much on. Just help people out, not worry about the pressures of a call center. That I know i can't do...call center work.

Well that is it for now...Terry and I are still praying I am pregnant...will be able to take a pg test next week friday to find out, unless my unwanted monthly friend starts...okay well that is it...hope all out there are doing good!

Hugs & Kisses,
Cortney